Ah, the holidays. That magical time of year when we gather with family to celebrate joy, food, and... oh yes, the annual stress test known as “keeping your boundaries intact.”
If you’re like me, you’ve been counting down the days to the holiday season with a mix of excitement and mild dread. Not because you don’t love your family—of course you do! —but because the holidays often come with a side of awkward questions, unsolicited advice, and let’s not forget, the pressure to enjoy every single thing on the table somehow.
But here’s the secret weapon you didn’t know you needed: boundaries. Yes, that simple yet powerful practice of knowing where you end and where everyone else begins. With a little bit of humor and a lot of self-compassion, you can get through the season feeling full of love (and not just of stuffing).
1. The “Tough Love” Boundary
Picture it: Your aunt, who hasn’t seen you since last year, takes one look at you and asks the dreaded question, “So… when are you getting married?” Or maybe it’s something like, “You look different—have you lost weight? Gained weight?” (because those are always fun to hear too).
Here’s where the Tough Love Boundary comes in. Look her square in the eye and gently but firmly say, “I’m just enjoying life right now, Aunt Margaret. Right now, I’m focusing on what makes me feel good—whether that’s a relationship or simply loving my life as it is.” And if she’s still pushing, remind her, “I think the most important thing is being at peace with where I am in life, and that includes being comfortable in my own skin.”
Pro Tip: You don’t have to answer intrusive questions about your appearance or your body. Your worth is not tied to what you weigh or what’s on your plate. Period.
2. The “Food Frenzy” Boundary
Ah, food. The holiday spread: a smorgasbord of well-intentioned delicacies that often come with a side of pressure. “Are you sure you don’t want more? Just a little bit? One more bite?” Suddenly, you’re not just being asked about food, you’re being asked to prove you can enjoy it “the right way.” But here’s the thing: There is no “right way” to eat, especially around the holidays.
Here’s where the Food Frenzy Boundary comes into play. If you’re not hungry, it’s perfectly okay to say, “I’m actually feeling pretty satisfied right now, but thank you!” Bonus points if you gently add, “I’m practicing listening to my body, and it’s telling me that I’m good for now.” If you’ve had enough but feel pressure to keep eating, simply offer, “I’ve reached my ‘comfortable’ level of fullness, but I’m so excited to try the dessert!”
Pro Tip: If you’re managing your relationship with food, it’s completely fine to set boundaries around how much you eat—and when you eat it. It’s important to honor your needs, whether you’re avoiding triggering foods, focusing on portion sizes, or taking a step back from any kind of holiday eating stress. No one gets to judge your plate but you.
3. The “I Need Me Time” Boundary
It’s 2:00 p.m., and the living room is packed with relatives. The conversation is either about how everyone is feeling (great, thanks for asking) or how no one is feeling (awkward). Your introverted self is screaming for just a moment of peace, but you know that retreating might be seen as “rude.”
Here’s where the I Need Me Time Boundary shines. Politely say, “Hey, I think I need a break for a few minutes to recharge. I’ll be back in a bit, promise!” Then, step away. Whether that means taking a walk, reading a book, or even texting a friend for support, you have the right to care for yourself during emotionally intense gatherings.
Pro Tip: If anyone questions you, just say, “This holiday season, I’m focusing on self-care. I’ll be back when I’m feeling more present!” People will respect it.
4. The “I’m Not Your Therapist” Boundary
Ah, the classic holiday emotional dump. You know it’s coming: a relative starts sharing everything they’ve been going through, and suddenly, you find yourself feeling more like their therapist than their family member.
Here’s where the I’m Not Your Therapist Boundary becomes essential. You can compassionately but firmly say, “I really hear what you’re saying, and I can tell it’s been tough. I’m not equipped to help in the way you need right now, but I’d be happy to help you find someone who is.”
If they try to continue, simply say, “I want to be a good listener, but I need to make sure I’m taking care of myself as well. Let’s catch up later when I’m in a better headspace to help.”
Pro Tip: People often don’t realize the emotional toll these types of conversations can have. It’s okay to establish a boundary that protects your mental health while still showing compassion.
5. The “I’m Not Hosting Next Year” Boundary
For the last several years, you’ve been the holiday host. You’ve done it all: the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, the pretending you’re not secretly stressed out of your mind. But enough is enough! It’s time for someone else to take on the holiday hosting duties.
Here’s your moment for the I’m Not Hosting Next Year Boundary. Say, “You know, I’ve really enjoyed hosting, but I think next year I’d like to enjoy the holiday from the other side of the table. Who’s ready to step up?”
And if no one offers? Say, “Well, I’m looking forward to being a guest next year. Can’t wait for someone else to deal with the turkey and the clean-up!” (Because we all know that’s the unspoken part of hosting.)
Pro Tip: Hosting every year can be overwhelming, and you deserve to be able to enjoy the holidays as much as everyone else. Plus, this boundary might just inspire someone to step up to the plate—literally and figuratively.
The key takeaway? Boundaries aren’t about being rigid or unkind—they’re about knowing where your emotional limits lie and taking steps to protect your peace. This holiday season, take it one step at a time. Don’t overextend yourself, and remember that your value is never defined by how much you eat, how much you give, or how much you pretend to be okay. You have the right to take up space and say 'no' in whatever way feels right for you.
And hey, if you’re feeling a little overwhelmed, that’s totally okay too. You don’t have to be “perfect” for the holidays to be meaningful. So, take a deep breath, give yourself a hug, and know that you’ve got this. Your holiday, your rules.
If you or a loved one is needing support surrounding life stressors, feel free to reach out to our wonderful team!
Here’s to a season full of self-care, laughter, and—yes—dessert, if it brings you joy.
