As a therapist, I do not think I will ever reach a point working where my clients do not baffle me. When I say baffle, I truly mean that I am left with insights that stun me. I never fail to be amazed by the beautiful, complexity present in my clients thought processes. It is one of the reasons I entered the profession and completed the highest-level degree possible, I craved to understand different thought processes and ways the brain works. After collecting various, expensive degrees and completing a way too long dissertation on a grounded theory outlook on the field of counseling educations approach to counseling, I humbly acknowledge that the most powerful influence comes from the words that are shared with me from the mouths of people I come across rather than the words in books I read.
One of my favorite questions to ask clients is for them to take me on a trip through their home they grew up in and to sketch it for me. This may be a self-serving ask, I always had great excitement as a small child drawing my home on a white sheet of copy paper and meticulously outlining my bedroom, the living room, and of course where our trampoline was. I promise there is a therapeutic reason for this request. No – I am not assessing the artistic skill of my client! Rather, I am curious to see the “how”. How do they respond to this request? How do they feel? How long does it take for them to create this picture for me? How do they draw it? Finally, how do they talk about it? All of this gives me great insight into not only their home, but how they conceptualize the childhood they had altogether. If I had my 11-year-old self as a client, I could possibly interpret that this young girl has an eagerness to share parts of her life, perhaps she struggles making friends at school? Maybe she has challenges in making connections with others through more “normal” methods of play and feels safe and confident sharing her home? Or could it be that she is communicating to me a need and desire for further exploration into her secure base? If I was this 11-year-old I would probably blink absent mindedly at the therapist and wonder what on earth they mean on “exploration into my secure base” because the only time I come across the word “base” is in reference to the basketball hoop outside that is weighed down by sand in its base. Reflecting now as a therapist that used to be that 11-year-old, it is pretty accurate.
I am by no means, and certainly do not claim to be, the knower of all childhood experiences. I am hesitant to make interpretations of a childhood experience that it not my own without great aid from the actual person. Rather, I consider myself a pretty effective co-pilot. I come alongside my clients as they lead me through the years of memories, highs, and certainly the lows. Through this voyage, we uncover some interesting things. It is not all perfect; some parts of our childhood we explore bring up present day sadness for that child part of ourselves. It reminds me as a kid seeing the world through “glazed childhood eyes”. As an avid donut lover and want-to-be comedian, I see myself pulling up to Krispy Crème asking for “one glazed childhood please” to comically make up for the childhood grief and pain experienced for myself and others.
Whether you grew up experiencing poverty or had financial stability, had a loving family or a neglectful one, or whether we remember our childhood fondly or not, try today to reflect on what your childhood taught you about the world, family, and yourself. And, if it gets too intense, go get a glazed donut. You deserve it.
