Our world is marked by stories. Books, shows, and movies dominate media. We share our stories with others, teach by way of anecdotes, and sift through swirling narratives. The energy of a conversation changes when someone interrupts to say “that’s not at all how it went, let me tell it.” Heated debates arise from conversations about favorite characters. Cliffhangers invade our real lives and keep us on edge. There is a reason stories and their elements evoke such a strong response from us. We are wired to relate through storytelling. Going back to the earliest civilizations, people communicated through stories. They help us to retain information, inspire change, and challenge our perspectives. That’s because stories make sense to us. We see ourselves in characters, are drawn to themes present in our own lives, and are curious about different perspectives to life. Stories will always play a central role in our lives.
So, why is this relevant? Stories don’t just interest us, they resonate within us. They go beyond words or visuals. A story can impact the way we view a topic, the world, and even ourselves. Whether your grandparent is sharing something from their life, you’re reading a classic novel, or listening to a lyrical masterpiece, the story being woven always has the potential to impact us on a deeper level. Part of that connection absolutely depends on the content of a story. Sometimes, a story may be so foreign to us that we can’t relate to it on any level. Other times, that novelty may metabolize our curiosity. There is no right or wrong for what stands out to us, there is simply what does and what doesn’t.
However, it is not just what is said that connects us to stories. It is equally, if not more importantly, how things are said. Think of a great storyteller you know. Perhaps it’s a cousin, a friend, an author, or someone else. Chances are, that person can keep you captivated talking about even the most mundane topic. Their choices about when to take pauses, ability to draw from a distinct bank of descriptors, and decisions to implement sudden shifts in tone all play a role. That voice is what determines if you are on the edge of your seat, or falling asleep.
With all of that said, it’s important to buckle down and take a good look at how stories impact our health. We are a captive audience to many different stories. Some of those are enjoyable, encouraging, or exciting. Others may be neutral or forgettable. And some of them are much more dangerous. While that could apply to the books we read or your family member’s monologue from last Thanksgiving, I’m talking more about the stories about us. We hear stories from the people around us, society at large and even ourselves. We can’t always control which stories others are telling us. But we should be wise about the stories we pay mind to, and tell ourselves. In therapy, some of the obstacles we face can be identified as stemming from our own faulty beliefs. In my opinion, a better way to put that would be the false narratives we buy into. In our defense, if we are told the same thing over and over, it’s hard not to accept that as truth! It becomes even more difficult to shed that way of thinking when the story is told by people we care about or ourselves.
Revising stories that hurt us, or hold us back can be difficult, but so rewarding. If we are trying to correct a faulty narrative, it is not about making up a lie. But, so many times, we get trapped in a singular way of viewing ourselves. Instead, we can adopt a new perspective. It can help us to focus on different details of the story, and look at our story within the context that we live in. When we can zoom out, we can look at ourselves while holding both truth and compassion. In fiction, many characters go from annoying or abrasive to individuals we respect when we can understand the whole context behind them, rather than just taking things at face value. Practicing that skill with ourselves allows us to reject the degrading, often flimsy stories that other people may try to shackle you with. No story is perfect, and neither are any characters we hear about. So instead of being distracted by perfection, we should appreciate things like growth and development in our lives.
Telling ourselves that we are valued, worthy, and capable, is a change of story that can impact our futures. That change is sacred, just as your story is. It is not easy to come into therapy and share your story with a stranger, nor should it be. Your story is valuable, just as you are and should be honored. And when you do get to a place where you can trust someone else with your story, they can help you to rewrite the parts that weigh you down. As you engage in the present to better understand the past, the future of the story is being written. Which begs the question: What do you want your story to be?
