When we think about childhood development, we ALL think about Jean Piaget. Well, maybe not all of us. Perhaps just those of us who tend to nerd out over psychological development! Calling all nerds, parents, and clinicians: keep tuning in, this blog post is for you.
While child development is undoubtedly one of the broadest experiences and its presentation can have gigantic observable differences from one child to another- there are a few simple truths. One of which being the development and acquisition of object permanence. The term object permanence, first introduced by psychologist Jean Piaget, refers to the understanding that objects continue to exist even when they’re out of sight. Sounds weird if you have not spent much time around infants. As a mother to three little girls, I have distinct memories (bordering traumatic ones!) of their loud cries as I laid them down after hours of rocking and tried to creep out of the room. They start crying, not because they desire to hold me captive and steal my freedom (post-partum anxious thoughts), but because the young infant brain lacks the cognitive processes that assure them that “mom is still alive and well even when I am not in her arms and she is not in my line of sight”. Ideally, albeit not perfectly, the tired mom enters back into the room, picks up the child gently, and kindly soothes them till they fall back sleep. Then the process repeats, and repeats…. And repeats some more.
This process is very monotonous but incredibly important to assist the young human’s brain in developing a cognitive association in which child A can say “when I do not see mom, I cry for fear of her loss; mom comes back and I am soothed by her presence. Perhaps my mom is not gone after all, maybe she just right outside the room?”. This concept is utterly integral in cognitive development of little humans to teach them about attachment and security. This also has several trauma implications- particularly for children who grew up in homes with an emotionally burned-out mother and lack of outside familial support. Rather than developing the associations child A does, child B growing up in conditions with absent parenting begins to develop neurological associations between fear of abandonment with being alone. Understandably so- for each time they cry for their mother, they are left bereft and alone.
What happens when we extend this idea from physical objects (FUN FACT: old school psychological theories labeled parents, particularly mothers, the “love object” to fully convey the association of caregiver to survival tool for the infant) to the more abstract realm of emotions and relationships? Let’s also speed up time and surpass the infancy stage, let’s say we enter into what the late and great Erik Erikson termed the stage of “intimacy versus isolation”, ages 18 to 40 ish. Enter emotional permanence—a concept that builds on object permanence but expands it into the emotional world of attachment and stability.
In this blog, we’ll explore emotional permanence, how it plays a crucial role in our emotional well-being, and how the founder of field of psychology, Sigmund Freud’s related theories on object permanence provides a helpful lens to understand it better.
Object Permanence: A Foundation of Early Development
First, let’s refresh our understanding of Freud’s concept of object permanence, which stems from the early works of Piaget's developmental psychology as described above. Reminder- In its simplest form, object permanence is the realization that people or objects exist even when they can’t be seen, heard, or touched. For infants, this is a developmental milestone that usually emerges around 6–8 months of age. Before this point, babies may react as though something or someone ceases to exist when it disappears from view. My 4-week-old daughter has this down to an absolute science…
From a Freudian/ Psychoanalytic perspective, this phenomenon is a crucial step in the development of the ego and superego- terms utilized to connote the layers of consciousness and view of the self. Freud’s work around early childhood and attachment is key here. He theorized, progressively so for his time, that the ability to recognize that an object (or caregiver/ love object) exists independently of the child’s immediate experience lays the groundwork for emotional development.
Object permanence thus is tied to the sense of security and attachment that forms the basis for later psychological functioning, relational security, and an overall large part in mental health functioning. Let us return to our above example with child A, when child A understands that their caregiver will return, even if they’re out of sight, it establishes a sense of trust and security in the relationship that will eventually be carried over into the self if repeated and modeled enough times. The baby’s emotional world is no longer bound solely to what is present in the moment, and this trust helps to shape their relationships with others in more complex ways as they grow older.
Emotional Permanence: The Emotional Corollary
Now let’s shift this concept of permanence from the physical world to the emotional one. Emotional permanence is a new age term (thanks Zillenials) and idea used that a person can retain a sense of emotional stability and continuity even when they are not directly experiencing the feelings or the presence of a loved one. For adults in the intimacy versus isolation stage, this might look like maintaining a sense of emotional connection to a partner, family member, or friend—even when they’re not physically present or when the relationship goes through difficult periods. This “sense of emotional connection” is more intricate than the black and white presentation of object permanence in the new born and in its healthiest presentation can take many forms; such as:
- “He loves me even when he is on those long work conventions”
- “She still thinks about me when she is home visiting family”.
- “I matter to this person still in multiple ways even when we are separate.”
However, when emotional permanence has been delayed in its developmental process, anxious and/ or avoidant attachment features can develop. Again, the intricacy in its presentation can have a range.
- “I simply do not exist in their mind if they are not with me.”
- “I must actively be doing something for them to maintain not just their love, but their attention”.
- “A lack of physical attention means that they no longer love me.”
Emotional permanence goes hand-in-hand with the psychological concept of secure attachment, which is foundational in Freud’s theories which is later expounded on by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. When children develop secure attachments and the parents consistently show up for them, they internalize the understanding that their caregiver’s love and care are constant and enduring, even if the caregiver is temporarily absent. This emotional trust forms the basis of emotional permanence. When we’re emotionally secure, we are able to trust that the relationships and feelings we have—whether they’re romantic, familial, or platonic—will endure over time. Even if there’s a temporary disconnect (e.g., a fight with a partner or a friend moving away), the individual can emotionally 'hold onto' the relationship, knowing that it is stable enough to weather the fluctuations. This type of emotional resilience, which Freud might say stems from a well-developed ego, allows us to experience distress without falling into emotional chaos.
Emotional Permanence and Adult Relationships- 2025 style
As we age out of those infant years, the emotional stakes become higher, and emotional permanence plays a significant role in how we navigate complex relationships. For example, in romantic relationships, one partner might travel for work, creating temporary physical separation. The challenge for the relationship isn’t just the absence of the person; it’s maintaining the emotional connection during that time. If one or both partners lack emotional permanence or are unfamiliar in knowing how to navigate attachment differences, they might feel a loss of connection, even though logically, they know that their partner is still emotionally invested. Partners who experience this can even experience great conflict during times they are separate in which the more anxious one appears more clingy, irritable, or just plain angry while the more securely attached partner is left scratching their head wondering what they did wrong.
Likewise, in friendships, emotional permanence is important for maintaining closeness. Imagine a friend who has been distant for a while. A person with high emotional permanence will trust that the friendship remains intact, even during periods of silence or distance, and will not immediately assume the worst about the relationship. Now journey with me to the middle school days when you were the only one who did not get invited to Cindy’s 14th birthday party. You would be feeling the soul crushing pain that only the anxiously attached 14-year-old girl feels and contemplating all day why your friends secretly hate you when in reality your invitation was just lost in the mail. I may be projecting here…
Freud, Ainsworth, and Bowlby’s theories surrounding attachment help explain why people who lacked stable emotional experiences early in life (flashback to child B- due to neglect, inconsistency, or trauma) may struggle more with emotional permanence as adults. These individuals may feel like their emotional world is less stable, or they may panic when relationships are tested by absence or difficulty. This instability can manifest in anxiety, insecurity, and a constant need for reassurance—because their early emotional experiences didn’t reinforce the idea that love and connection can survive outside of immediate physical presence.
The Role of Emotional Permanence in Mental Health
Having a securely developed sense of emotional permanence is essential for mental well-being. It helps to stabilize our emotions when life’s inevitable challenges—loss, conflict, change—shake us. When emotional permanence is lacking, people can experience heightened anxiety or depression because they may struggle to trust that their emotional world is intact even when things are tough. Freud would likely argue that this insecurity stems from developmental issues in early childhood, where attachment disruptions hinder the establishment of emotional permanence.
Therapy, particularly psychodynamic or attachment based therapy (which has roots in Freudian ideas- call Dr. Hanna today!), often aims to help individuals explore these early attachment patterns. A big part of therapy is developing a healthier sense of emotional permanence, where individuals can learn to hold onto positive feelings about themselves and others, even during times of crisis or emotional upheaval.
Conclusion: Emotional Permanence as a Key to Secure Relationships
In the end, emotional permanence is just as important as physical object permanence in shaping our emotional worlds. While Freud's concept of object permanence focused on the foundational understanding that people or objects persist beyond our immediate perception, emotional permanence takes this a step further. It teaches us that relationships, love, and emotional security persist even when they’re not in our direct line of sight.
By understanding emotional permanence, we can begin to strengthen our emotional resilience, improve our relationships, and cultivate a deeper sense of trust in the enduring presence of love and connection. Just as Freud emphasized the importance of secure attachment for childhood development, recognizing the role of emotional permanence can help us navigate the complexities of adult relationships with greater stability and understanding.
So, next time you feel emotionally distant or disconnected from someone important to you, remember that emotional permanence can bridge that gap. Just as a child trusts that their caregiver will return, we can trust that our relationships can survive—and even thrive—despite temporary absences or challenges.