Hi! I'm a recovering perfectionist. How are you?
Growing up, I was always placed in competitive environments. Whether it was dance, music, theater, sports, or in the classroom, there seemed to be this looming sense of competition to be the best, the smartest, the fastest and so on. Now, in the counseling field, I have noticed that a lot of this fast-paced society still holds tight to this way of living. I have counseled both children and adults who struggle with perfectionism biting at their ankles every time it was able.
Why perfectionism? Well, to put it simply, if someone is taught that they need to be the best always, it makes sense why someone would struggle with having an intense need to be perfect. However, a lot of people don't quite understand the concept of perfectionism in its true form. What do I mean by that? Well, some people may see perfectionism as a good thing. A shiny medal to add to their wall per say. However, perfectionism can also be shown through procrastination, avoidance, isolation, self-sabotage, fear, loss of relationships, and loss of a sense of self. Have you ever had an experience where life was going super well, and then suddenly, self-sabotage rears its ugly head? These are the implications that perfectionism can bring to our lives.
So, Eliza, what am I supposed to do? My favorite response to questions such as these is 'I wish I had a magic fairy wand that could fix all of our issues. Poof! They're gone!'. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Wishful thinking though, right? The important point here is awareness: Awareness of YOUR unique experiences with perfectionism. When does it typically show up? What is happening in your life at the time? What emotions or physical symptoms do you feel? What behavior do you display before and after? These are important places to start in finding where perfectionism creeps into your life. This is an intentional reminder to NOT forget about self-care! Everyone deserves it, even if you don't believe it! (another note to be aware of: burnout is real, and can take many forms.!) Self-care, mindfulness, and self-connection are important practices to implement often. A wise professor once told me 'If the world was perfect, we would never learn anything. Everything and everyone would be the same'. In hearing this, I realized that this 'perfect world' I was envisioning was boring! Having our own 'things' that make us US may not be so bad after all.
Want to know more about the 'how to's' of perfectionism? Book a session with me and we will discover an individualized plan to drive you towards success and away from that pesky perfectionism.
