Entering therapy is a choice many of us will make in our lifetime. It can be scary. It can be freeing. It can be overwhelming. Sometimes we may feel like the only ones actively working on our issues. All these feelings are a normal part of the process. As therapists, we are human too and we often stumble upon this career due to our own experiences with therapy.
In my teens, I was going through it, as some might say. Things just did not seem to be going right for me and I did not know how to cope with it. Ultimately, it was determined that I would have to start therapy. I was not enthused.
Every Wednesday would roll around and I would immediately begin fretting about having to go. At first, it seemed as though it wouldn’t help. I didn’t want to be vulnerable, and I certainly did not want to listen. As is the plight of the teenager, I suppose. After a while, though, I found myself wanting to tell Heather, my therapist at the time, things.
Eventually, I completed that therapy program. After twenty sessions, I had developed some coping skills that allowed me to finish high school. However, college layered on new challenges, and I once again found myself struggling. This time, though, I could do the breathing and grounding techniques, but something still felt off. I tried handling it myself, all the while assuming that therapy was only the discussion and practice of coping skills.
At some point, I decided I needed to go back to therapy, but this time it was a choice and I felt inclined to be pickier about my therapist. I tried several. Some I stayed with longer than others, but when I found one that resonated with me everything felt as though it was sliding into place. Don’t get me wrong, life was still hard, but suddenly there was a person who was willing to hear me out and ask the right questions.
Those right questions sometimes validated my experience and sometimes annoyed me to no end because they forced me to see what I had been avoiding. John persisted, though. Slowly chipping away at the defense mechanisms, I had developed over my lifetime. Even now, as a therapist myself, there is still so much awareness to build and self-improvement to be had. I would encourage everyone to evaluate the therapeutic fit. This is not to say my first therapist was not good. I learned a lot from her. Sometimes, though, the fit is more about being on the same wavelength than having the most academically successful clinician.
The therapeutic alliance is something highly discussed in the mental health counseling literature and some researchers attribute it to the success of a therapeutic relationship more than any other factor. One researcher even suggested up to 70% of the success is based on the therapeutic alliance. As a counselor myself, I see this frequently. Sometimes clients come to me because they want to try another style, but I oftentimes believe they stay with me because the relationship we have built is based on mutual respect and understanding.
One of the many things I love about working with Pacifica Counseling is my ability to provide free fifteen-minute consultations to potential clients. These consultations are for me, as the clinician, to gather a better understanding of a client’s reason for entering counseling and the goals they wish to work on. For the client, this is an opportunity to assess the fit with the counselor. During these consultations, I deeply encouraged all potential clients to ask questions about how my experience may work for them, but also so they can get a feel for my style before ever coming to the first session.
This is a time for clients to begin learning about what therapy might be like with a particular clinician and assess how safe they feel sharing some of life’s greatest difficulties. If you or a loved one are in search of a counselor, please, review our website, look at our “Meet the Team” page, or even search us up on Psychology Today. When you are ready to make this journey, we will be here to consult and to listen, and more importantly, we would be more than happy to have you here with us!
