1 in 3 women experience some form of domestic violence in their lifetime.
1 in 7 men also experience some form of domestic violence in their lifetime.

For women, this means that according to statistics, that the likelihood of myself or one of my two daughters experiencing some sort of intimate partner violence (IPV) at some time is significantly high. I do not know about you, but I cherish the woman in my life and am astounded by this statistic.

A common misconception about domestic violence (DV) is that it solely presents physical. An individual must have bruises or markings in order to claim that they are a victim on DV. While physical abuse is a characteristic of DV, it is certainly not the only way DV or IPV can manifest. Types of abuse include:

  • Control 
  • Physical Abuse
  • Sexual Abuse 
  • Emotional Abuse & Intimidation 
  • Isolation 
  • Verbal Abuse through coercion, threats, and blame
  • Economic/ Financial abuse 

Experiencing abuse oftentimes leaves the victim feeling shameful and responsible for the way they are being treated. It is not uncommon for the victim to believe that they are deserving of the abuse. From a cognitive perspective, this is understandable because as humans we have an innate nature to survive and if someone is living in a prolonged state of abuse, a way to cope with the intense feeling of suffering is to internalize the responsibility of it. However, this innate 

As a therapist, we work with individuals in defining who the self is apart from the abuse. This is one of the first steps before creating a safety plan or exit strategy, both of which are integral in healing from IPV or DV experiences.

One consistent feature of coping with DV or IPV is based on time. For some, it takes time to create that sense of self (really, just rediscovering it) and to safety plan. It is not something that happens in one therapy session, another common misconception. In therapy, our goal is not to convince someone to leave their partner. Rather, it is to always promote safety, security, and assist the client in finding ways to do so outside of session. As an attachment-based therapist, it takes time, patience, and understanding in order to do so. As a fellow woman who has known way too many people go through this, I grieve with you. Just because we may grieve together does not mean we are quitting. On the contrary, it means we are processing our trauma, another key step towards healing from DV and IPV.

Whatever experience you may identify more with, especially if you have or are currently experiencing some form of abuse, please no you are not alone. You can always reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. If you can or choose to make a therapy appointment, please know how you present is always enough, as you are always enough.